Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
