Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I wanna bring you to show and tell
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
