Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
