I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
