are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
