dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
