i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
This house was built for laser tag.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
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