you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Randomize
