Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
