Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
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