yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
