I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
