i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
