The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Randomize
