So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Randomize
