I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Church boner. Awkwardddd
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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