At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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