Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
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