You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
