Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
