on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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