so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I intend to get homeless drunk
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Randomize
