Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Randomize
