Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
