Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
i drank out of a bidet.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
