So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
