Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
