so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
