dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
