he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
