I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Randomize
