he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
