so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
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