That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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