Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
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