i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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