Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
