My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
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