I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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