Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
