She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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