90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
