Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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