Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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