on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Let's paint friendship bongs
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Randomize
