I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
