you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
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