But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
you made out with another girl for some wings
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