C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Randomize
