You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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