I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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