I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
