Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
