my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
