I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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