I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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