I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Randomize
