Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Randomize
