i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
We just shotgunned beers for America
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Randomize
