So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
i love accidental penises.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
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