Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize