i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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