I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
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