He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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