tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize
